every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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