he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize