You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
