i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
