shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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