Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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