It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
