I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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