took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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