we're chasing vodka with high fives
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this boner is exhausting
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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