i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
