VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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