I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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