Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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