I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
