Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
