i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
