Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
