Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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