This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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