Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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