i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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