During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
