what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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