well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize