so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
