i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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