Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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