Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
