she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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