At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two words: blizzard sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
