I would go down on you faster than GM stock
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
