is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
