Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
