So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
