The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
