pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
