I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize