I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You pole danced in your parka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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