at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
