So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
