i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
