Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
