The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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