Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
