Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
