Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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