If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
