I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize