OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
