Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize