I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
