I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize