I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
