In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
