I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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