the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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