I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
