I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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