if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
