You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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