i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
