smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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