I molested 6 butterflies tonight
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
