Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you had me at cake vodka
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
