i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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