the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
