Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
