someone threw a dead crab at me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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