i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
