i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
