Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
