im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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