Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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