You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
