I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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