so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
