I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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