alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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