tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
